SHE WORKED HARD FOR THE MONEY: HONEY BUNNY

WELCOME TO MORE TWISTED THOUGHTS FROM BIG AL, CREATOR OF THE GREATEST NYC PUBLIC ACCESS TV SHOW OF ALL TIME, SPIC’N SPANISH:

SPIC’N SPANISH ran for nearly 13 years, from January 1995 to December 2007. And in all of those years of countless interactions with all kinds of assorted strippers, porn stars, and female exhibitionists, I never ran into a bigger freak than the one and only Honey Bunny.

The greatest stripper in the seedy, sordid history of SPIC'N SPANISH: Honey Bunny.

For those of you who don’t know, Honey Bunny is a half Argentinean/half Italian stripper MILF who I met at a Puerto Rican Day Parade after-party in 2004. A few weeks after that, I taped her taking her clothes off for a bunch of horny middle-aged scumbags in a Latino restaurant in the Bronx, and SPIC’N SPANISH was never the same again!

Shooting segment introductions with Honey for my "SPIC'N SPANISH CHRONICLES: Vol 1" DVD.

What was great about Honey (as if you haven’t figured that out already) was that with her, full-frontal nudity was a GUARANTEE. There was no hoping that she would show a nipple or two, as was the case with some of the other girls who guest-starred on my show. On the contrary, Honey would’ve probably gotten mad if I hadn’t asked her to show her tits! (Though with Honey, asking isn’t necessary – exposing her private parts is just second nature to her!)

(Left to right): Honey's "sister" Samara, me, Crossphazer.com founder Haterrican, Honey Bunny.

To this day, Honey belongs to a strange subculture of women in New York City who get paid to show up at parties in bad neighborhoods for horny black and/or Hispanic men who throw $1 bills at them in the hopes of getting breasts, butts, and vaginas thrown back at them. The fact that Honey is a 30-something fair-skinned blonde woman with fake boobs doing this is, in my opinion, mind-boggling – and extremely fascinating. I think it’s safe to say that there aren’t many white women out there masturbating with glow-in-the-dark dildos in front of a bunch of Puerto Rican Bronx bikers, or being disrespected by having beer thrown into their clean-shaven pussies at Dominican birthday parties, but that has never stopped “the Blonde Bombshell.” You pay her, and she’ll do it – no matter who, what, when, and where.

I've never been able to keep my paws off of her!

After three years of numerous memorable appearances on my show, the Honey Bunny/SPIC’N SPANISH relationship culminated with my “SPIC’N SPANISH CHRONICLES: Vol 1″ DVD, on which she and fellow stripper Teresa (a slim, caramel-colored Latina) show up at a birthday party for Crossphazer’s own Haterrican! You don’t know what real entertainment is until you’ve seen two hot naked chicks rip a bald-headed, overweight Puerto Rican guy’s boxers off! Now who else but Honey Bunny would’ve agreed to do that?!

On the set of my "SPIC'N SPANISH CHRONICLES: Vol 1" DVD with Honey Bunny and Teresa.

In the words of Tim Roth’s character in Pulp Fiction, “I love you Honey Bunny!”

Big Al can be heard every Friday LIVE at 6pm EST co-hosting “The Black & the Jew Comedy Hour” on www.nytalkradio.net. On Friday, July 31st, 2009, Honey Bunny will be the special guest!

bigalsns@yahoo.com

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To buy my 90-minute UNCENSORED DVD "SPIC'N SPANISH CHRONICLES: Vol 1" (featuring Honey Bunny and a bunch of other freaky chicks), go to the Record Mart store inside the Times Square subway station. Or just click on the Paypal link below.

 

A LOOK BACK AT BRUCE LEE’S LAST FILM, “GAME OF DEATH.”

WELCOME TO MORE TWISTED THOUGHTS FROM BIG AL, CREATOR OF THE GREATEST NYC PUBLIC ACCESS TV SHOW OF ALL TIME, SPIC’N SPANISH:

Anybody who knows me well can tell you that I've always been a Bruce Lee fan.

Often imitated, but never duplicated: "Game of Death" was the first movie to feature a vengeful martial artist in a yellow-and-black tracksuit.

Bruce Lee died on July 20th, 1973, after suffering an allergic reaction to the drug Equagesic, which had been given to him by an actress he was supposed to have co-starred with in Game of Death. Despite his death, the movie was eventually completed and released five years later, albeit with just 11 minutes of actual Bruce Lee footage shot specifically for the film. (The rest of the scenes involving Lee were either lifted from his previous movies or were shot with body doubles.)

Bruce Lee smiles as he envisions how much fun it's going to be to kick his next victim's ass.

In the movie, Lee and his various doubles play Billy Lo, a martial arts film superstar (how’s that for a stretch?) who is constantly being pressured by a crime syndicate to join their organization. After repeatedly failing to get Lo on their side, they attempt to kill him as a way of sending a message to anybody else who would dare to refuse their advances.

Theatrical poster for "Game of Death."

Like father, like son: Both Bruce Lee (left) and son Brandon (right, in 1994's "The Crow"), died while filming movies where their characters "come back from the dead" to avenge their own deaths.

As I mentioned earlier, this is a revenge flick, which means that Lo ends up making a full recovery (as well as faking his own death after getting shot), and spends the rest of the movie hunting down the syndicate members one by one, killing each bastard until there is absolutely no one left. With all due respect to all you Enter the Dragon loyalists out there, it is Billy Lo’s rage-filled vendetta against these ruthless assholes that makes Game of Death my favorite Bruce Lee movie, and even though we only get to see three fight scenes that exclusively feature the real Bruce Lee in the entire movie, they are among the very best that he EVER shot (one of them being his famous battle with NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar). This is also the movie that features what is arguably the most iconic image of Bruce Lee: him wearing the yellow-and-black tracksuit, an outfit which was also worn by Uma Thurman in 2003’s Kill Bill: Volume 1.

No wires or CGI required: That's really Bruce Lee about to kick Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the face!

"Game of Death" lives! 25 years after the movie's release, the yellow tracksuit made a comeback in "Kill Bill: Volume 1."

COLOMBIAN CHICKS RULE!

WELCOME TO MORE TWISTED THOUGHTS FROM BIG AL, CREATOR OF THE GREATEST NYC PUBLIC ACCESS TV SHOW OF ALL TIME, SPIC’N SPANISH:

My Jewish friend and fellow NYC public access TV icon Sam Kellerman (who was very popular among young black and Latino Manhattanites during the first half of this decade) once declared on his live call-in show that he had “single-handedly changed the way that the New York ghetto thinks about Jews.” One can argue that this was the legacy that Sam left behind on his show (he unfortunately passed away in 2004), and if I were to come up with a legacy of my own for what SPIC’N SPANISH left behind after being on the air for 13 years, it would be this: I single-handedly changed the way that the New York ghetto thinks about Colombian women!

A great example of classic Colombian beauty.

My love affair with the Colombian female started in high school. Before then, the only Latino cultures that I had ever had any kind of real interactions with were the two groups that most native New Yorkers are familar with, Puerto Ricans and Dominicans. But Brooklyn Technical High School changed all that back in the early ’90s. It was there where I was introduced to all kinds of different cultures (both Hispanic and non-Hispanic), and as a result I soon realized that Puerto Rican and Dominican chicks weren’t the only hot Latinas around; some Central and South American chicks kicked ass too. And out of all of the nations south of Mexico exporting hot pieces of ass to this great country of ours, it seemed like Colombia was sending the best product.

Taliana Vargas, first runner-up in the 2008 Miss Universe contest. She should've won.

I graduated from Brooklyn Tech in 1994, and started SPIC’N SPANISH a year later. Beginning in 1995, there were two events that I never failed to cover for my show: the annual Puerto Rican Day Parade in June, and the Colombian Independence Day Festival held every July at Flushing Meadows Park in Queens, NY. These two events – featuring two of my favorite kinds of women on the planet – soon (more…)

R.I.P. Alexis Arguello, my namesake

WELCOME TO MORE TWISTED THOUGHTS FROM BIG AL, CREATOR OF THE GREATEST NYC PUBLIC ACCESS TV SHOW OF ALL TIME, SPIC’N SPANISH:

Former Nicaraguan boxer and mayor of Managua Alexis Arguello (April 19, 1952 - July 1, 2009).

I was born on January 22, 1976, the only child of a Puerto Rican couple in New York City. As family legend has it, at the time of my birth, neither of my parents had come up with a name for me, for the simple fact that they were convinced that I was going to be a girl named “Maritza.” In fact, my father had been so hellbent on having a girl that he had actually bet a Dominican family friend named Julio on what my gender was going to be. El Dominicano won, and “Big Daddy Al” was forced to buy a bottle of Puerto Rican rum as a result. (Believe it or not, the bottle has yet to be opened, and according to Julio, it won’t be opened until I get married. Which means that it may remain closed FOREVER!)

Big Momma Al & Big Daddy Al. They wanted "Maritza;" instead they got me.

And so upon my birth, my old man did what any guy would do when confronted with an unexpected situation: he looked in the newspaper. And there lay the solution to his new-found problem: Alexis Arguello, the then-WBA Featherweight Boxing Champion from Nicaragua. At the time, Arguello was one of the best pound-for-pound fighters in the world, so his name appearing in the sports section of a newspaper would’ve been normal. For someone outside of Nicaragua to name their son after a Nicaraguan boxer probably wasn’t so normal, but nevertheless, the girl who was supposed to be Maritza turned out to be me, the boy named Alexis.

Contrary to popular belief, I was NOT named after Alexis Carrington on "Dynasty."

Though I have never been a fan of my real name (you wouldn’t be either if you were a boy who had to grow up being teased because you had the same first name as the uber-bitch on the ’80s night-time soap  ”Dynasty”), I have always had a fondness for the man I was named after. “El Flaco Explosivo” (”The Explosive Thin Man”) lived up to his moniker time and time again in the ring, participating in some of the greatest bouts of the ’70s and early ’80s, such as his battles with Alfredo Escalera, Ray “Boom Boom” Mancini, Ruben Olivares, Jim Watt, and Aaron Pryor. And this was during a time when boxers fought as many as 7 times in one year - compare that to the bullshit we see today where we’re fortunate to see a top fighter get in the ring just once a year! (To get a better idea of what I’m talking about, Arguello fought 7 times in 1977, winning all 7 bouts, including 6 by knockout. Let’s see one of today’s so called “fighters” do that!)

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LOOKIN’ GOOD AND TALKIN’ SHIT: NOBODY DOES IT BETTER THAN GLORIA VELEZ!

WELCOME TO MORE TWISTED THOUGHTS FROM BIG AL, CREATOR OF THE GREATEST NYC PUBLIC ACCESS TV SHOW OF ALL TIME, “SPIC’N SPANISH.”

Boricua Beauty & the Beast: Gloria Velez and I stage an impromptu contest to see whose middle finger is longer.

Even if you don’t recognize the name, if you’re a fan of hip hop (and let’s face it, you wouldn’t be on this site if you weren’t), chances are that you would recognize her face (along with her amazing figure) from the many rap videos she appeared in during the late ’90s and early 2000s: Whether she was strutting her stuff while wearing a white fur coat in Jay-Z’s “Big Pimpin,’” lathering herself up in a jacuzzi in Nas’ “Oochie Wally,” or dancing on top of a table in Ghostface Killah’s “Cherchez la Ghost,” this luscious Latina ALWAYS stood out from the rest of the scantily-clad, booty-shakin’ eye candy.

There is hot, there is sexy, there is bangin,' and then there's Gloria Velez, in a fuckin' league of her own.

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I LOVE GIRLS WITH HOOKED NOSES!

WELCOME TO MORE TWISTED THOUGHTS FROM BIG AL, CREATOR OF THE GREATEST NYC PUBLIC ACCESS TV SHOW OF ALL TIME, SPIC’N SPANISH:

The best damn birthday gift I EVER got: Two vampy, hook-nosed Italian/Puerto Rican strippers!

“I love girls with hooked noses!” Most people look at me like I’m retarded when I tell them that. After all, a lot of girls with “hooked noses” – those noses that curve downwards and are associated more with witches than with beauty – hate that part of their body and in some cases get surgery in order to “fix” what they think is a problem. But to me, a hooked nose on a girl is not a blemish at all. It’s a turn-on!

James Bond knew what was up.

It was only a few years ago that I realized why I love females with hooked noses (also known as “aquiline,” “beaked,” or “Roman” noses) so much and it’s this: It has been my experience that chicks with hooked noses look like sluts, vampires, or better yet, both! And there is NO ONE in the world who likes vampy-looking sluts more than ME!

(Am I a weirdo, or what? While everybody else on this site is writing about black guys, I’m expressing my love for slutty vampires! I hope Haterrican (this site’s creator) is happy!)

The only birthday gift better than the one mentioned above would be a threesome with heavy metal vamps Metal Sanaz (left) and Mistress Juliya.

Sluts are seductive and playful. Female vampires are also seductive and can be playful too (before they inevitably rip your neck out with their fangs). You put those two elements together – sluttiness and vampiness – and it’s like a sexual cocktail to me. Add to that a pair of big tits, a fat ass, and a couple of thick, juicy thighs, and fuggetaboutit – I’m in fuckin’ heaven!

Hooked nose? Fat ass? Let's get it on!

Furthermore, hooked noses are more found more among Italians and Latinos than among other groups – and it just so happens that when it comes to looks, I prefer Italian chicks (or “guidettes” as a certain Jewish friend of mine likes to call them) and Latinas to other female groups. (Though believe me, the “preference” is only slight – a hot chick is a hot chick, regardless of the shape of her nose!)

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Enter the mind of a 30-something college-educated Nuyorican pervert

They call me BIG AL. I’m a 33-year-old heterosexual Puerto Rican guy, born and bred in New York City. I produced and hosted a raunchy late-night public access cable TV show that aired in Manhattan and Brooklyn between 1995 and 2007 entitled SPIC’N SPANISH. I’m single, I have no children, and I like it that way. (In 2005, my show was voted “Best Public Access Cable Show” by readers of the New York Press.)

I am going to dedicate my first column to selling my DVD. That’s right, I’m not going to give my opinion on anything right now. I’m just going to be self-centered and use this space as a commercial!

You like slutty, freaky chicks? You like big tits and fat asses? You like porn stars and lipstick lesbians? You like hot Latin women going wild? You like the idea of this website’s creator, Haterrican, being stripped down to his underwear by a couple of crazy strippers in his Harlem apartment? You like all of the above? THEN “SPIC’N SPANISH CHRONICLES: Vol 1″ IS THE DVD FOR YOU!

Clocking in at just over 90 minutes (including the Special Features), you’ve got everything you would ever want in a SPIC’N SPANISH DVD: classic clips from the show, brand-new footage shot exclusively for the DVD, and appearances and interviews with hip hop celebrities such as Fat Joe, Lil’ Kim, Ice-T, Jadakiss, Fabolous, and my good friend, the Boricua Bombshell Gloria Velez.

You can buy my DVD by ordering it right here via Paypal for just $9.99, or if you’re in New York City, you can purchase it for the same price at the Record Mart store inside the Times Square subway station.

Below is a video highlighting 13 years of uncensored SPIC’N SPANISH history, which includes footage that appears on the DVD. ENJOY IT – AND THEN BUY THE DVD! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Big Al
www.myspace.com/spicnspanish
www.youtube.com/spicnspanish

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